Tuesday, June 29, 2010

this past week/weekend

this past week has been crazy from getting stuff ready for the move to just everyday life stuff... mikaylas whole room is boxed up and is empty...now we just have all the other rooms to pack. not to mention get rid of stuff we don't want to take...maybe another garage sale is in order, who knows...anyways this past week hubs has been extra sweet.. he did a lot of sweet things from bringing me my favorite coffee drink home..to making me bed in breakfast and having mikayla in her highchair next to my bed with breakfast like she made it, to running to walmart for formula and ringing the door bell to have me come there and him say im here for my date and hand me flowers and chocolates =) hes been a sweetheart lately so lets hope that stays that way ;-)

mikayla started eating carrots monday and so far she really likes them compared to cereal. her faces are too cute when she eats..she tried to put her hands in her mouth and make bubble noises so food spits out ...such a baby lol.. i love her so much! shes growing up too fast for me..i swear everytime i blink shes grown a few inches and few months have flown by..you never realize how true statements are about babies until you have one..

so i found out coreys report date is 10-10-10 ...really weird date but anyways his EOD grad is 8/20 and we leave 8/21 for fort bragg, nc -- woo hoo, i think? im excited to move yet stressed and nervous at the same time...this job really freaks me out...and of course i put myself in the position to worry by looking stuff up online and listening to stories from him but at the same time it kind of helps me stay calm... gotta be strong, gotta be strong .. [ thats all i tell myself ] im an army wife of course i got this ;-)

july 4th weekend is coming up.. 4day also, woo hoo! we are going to bragg to scope out the area and look at houses ...and hopefully see chevelle and the fireworks there if its not too much on babygirl..not looking forward to the long drive but i hope the area is nice and everything goes smooth as planned...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

when being strong is all you can be...

touching more on the last blog i posted...

hearing about what happened yesterday hit me really hard on a selfish kind of lonely level. my husband wakes up everyday a little before 4am, goes to school and doesnt get home until late sometimes close to 7pm depending on the day...he sees mikayla for maybe 30 min max, eats, goes to sleep and does it all over again...on the weekends is too tired to do anything and even help out with mikayla sometimes.. there is no husband and wife time...(to talk, hang out,etc) now our marriage has been tested more than enough times in the past 2 years, and this past year has not helped giving the circumstances...so what i want to know is am i a selfish wife because i want to spend time with my husband & make this marriage work? because i want to make memories as a family? .. i know there is plenty of times that i feel he could do more on the weekends to be a part of this family and he knows that.. i felt that since day one .. i was alone my whole pregnancy, sitting in an apt in AL..while he went to class, got to hang out with friends, and do whatever before thinking of me.. he never cared a bit to take part then...and when i hear him say things will ve different now i just wonder if it will get any better.. ( now call me crazy for even putting that much of my life in a blog because sometimes i feel people shouldn't but i truly want answers on what to do ya know )... i wake up, spend time with mikayla all day, signed up for a monthly tanning membership that i dont use but only once a month because i cant leave mikayla here alone when her dad is sleeping and too tired to hear her wake up...i get no break and i hate hearing people complain about not getting to "go out" or do whatever. i signed up for this, i love nothing more than my daughter she is my pride and joy but sometimes as an adult you need sanity and to not feel isolated...and being parents are supposed to work as a team not one person do all the work and the other one get credit. some people are lucky enough to be by famiy and friends or have older siblings to help out..well all mikayla has is her mommy, which explains why she probably is a mommys girl because thats all she knows and is with..i just want things better, im way too young to be feeling like this...
i got married to have a husband and we had a child to become a family...yet it doesnt feel that way...i feel i may have my husband here yet at the same time he's not...he is that much closer to finishing this school and then getting to a unit and having to do VIPS and deploy, will that truly get any better with him being away more?...

...thoughts & prayers

...yesterday was just one of those days

walmart discontinued the dreft stain remover spray i always use for mikaylas stuff, so i ordered 6 bottles online and it was supposed to be here yesterday.. so im waiting, waiting, waiting around .. then i check the tracking and it says its been damaged and wont be delivered (great)..so i call and get it re-shipped 1 day express - so hopefully it makes it here by tomorrow..

then yesterday hubs called me when he got off from work and said another guy died from fort campbell, a buddy of his to be exact..now I have never been through death really before & didn't know what to say, so all i could do is listen..he spoke of times when they would b/s together & when corey wanted to go warrant, he was supposed to go with him and hook him up with ref. he knew...etc.. someone that close to home.. its such a tragedy, yet this guy (younger than corey) also did a brave & honorable thing..his loss is very sad & makes you truly think about things, atleast it did me..its always one of those situations where you think "what if" and anyone who is or isn't in your shoes may say only think positive, but reality is you always cant given the circumstances...that weighed on my mind even more than usual yesterday...corey always speaks that his "brothers" already have their 2nd deployment under their belt and he doesnt..that, that could of been him over there as a scout.. & me being me always say the words im sure he hates to hear "well then why don't you get out" .. but then he says he "loves what he does" so me being selfish and demanding want that yet me being a "supportive army wife" is supposed to stand strong even when him going to school for EOD, i feel is way more risky than being a scout on some level, yet we don't see eye to eye on that of course..so it's one big circle, i can say and do a lot of things to try and get him to change his mind but if hes not going to be happy with something, then how happy am i truly?

please keep all of our great (fallen, present & future) servicemembers in your thoughts & prayers..
you will never know how hard it is to be strong sometimes until you have to go through it...

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


..it's been awhile since i've updated this so i figured i'd fill everyone in

---memorial day weekend we went home and saw family and friends...was a very long drive (especially back to florida) .. anything that could've got in the way coming home did.. while we were home we took mikayla to youngs jersey dairy and showed her the goats and moo cows. of course we got some icecream while we were there.. pretty much just relived childhood memories and shared them with her...we had to of course have skyline and hoagies while we were home or i'd never hear the end of it from corey..we came to the conclusion the only good thing about ohio is the "food" & "festivals".. from chipotle, hot head, marions, cassanos, UDF icecream & esther price just to name a few... it was good to be home even if we had to rush from place to place...

---we had a garage sale this past weekend even though it started raining we still did a decent job. we got rid of our last wooden futon, tv trays & random other stuff..we might be having another one at the last minute before we move to get rid of our tables since we have 3 dining tables and maybe bedroom furniture (still up in the air)...speaking of moving we are still not under assignment...corey called yesterday and found out the class ahead of him got theres 2 days ago...so hopefully within the next week we will know.. *cross your fingers for good news* (NC!!) --

---coreys EOD grad. is creeping up, Aug. will be here before you know it. soo much to do. still have to get his grad. present, order mikaylas dress and matching bow, start packing, go find a house and get everything else figured out. these next few months will be busy busy! which i don't mind so much. him grad. EOD school is a great accomplishment...the downfall is just VIPS & more deployments with him working with bombs that has me on edge...i truly don't know how families stay in this for life...constantly moving, never spending time with their spouse or kids..its def. a big deal, takes alot of trust & dedication but is very honorable for the ones who do.

**keep our servicemembers & their families in your thoughts and prayers, you will never know how hard it is for them unless you go through it yourself**